I’ve been through all contexts and situations. My momma taught me to be polite and humble with people around me. And even when they were offering me something, being it an object or a service, I’ve been taught to refuse it at first, considering that instinctive but innocent boldness to be a bit exaggerated.

I’ve never questioned it. Being a kid I always trusted my mother’s teachings regarding behavior and the making of a good impression in front of people. And no, I don’t say it was wrong to obey, neither her advices were wrong. I’m aware the period when I was a kid the behavior patterns, the expectations and principles were completely different. And it makes sense. The communism had done its job. But tho things have changed now a lot of people today live in the box they’ve built in their past.

I started to observe that several years ago when I took my life in my own hands and began the journey of “hmm… things are completely different than they have seemed before”. Meanwhile I got to meet people from different countries, different contexts and different environments. And thus I started to learn that things have really changed a lot since I was a kid at my parents house. And one thing which seems to me to be the most interesting is giving and receiving.

It’s been a period of approximately two years when my life was complicated and awful at all. There had been things that turned my whole self upside down and transformed me completely. And while in that ocean of insanity I was also in need of help. I had financial, emotional, health issues and the list is some longer. God was with me, yeah, so He used several people to be there for me; friends and sometimes even people I didn’t know.

And then I found out how hard it was for me to get over my vanity and the habit of rejecting things and services just because of wanting to be polite and well-behaved. And a war was born within me; I wanted to understand how I was supposed to be and where the balance was. And there were about three things which helped me to figure it out.

First it was my need of help in all those areas Ive written above. Even tho it felt uncomfortable pretty often I was constrained by my life’s circumstances to accept the help people offered.

Second it was God whom I prayed to for all my needs. Every time I would pray I saw His responses and implication through people and that made me think of it as an answer to my prayers. So if He sends blessings into my direction I’ll be sure I’m there to catch them up. And besides that there were several timed when He spoke to me about the way He was going to change my situation and the things I was going through. And a lot of times it implied people. So, if God says so who I am to object?

And third it was how I usually felt after rejecting someone. Honestly I say to you: I felt so bad! Like SO BAD! It almost felt like I did something so wrong that hurt someone. And if I think of it better it can hurt people when you don’t wanna accept their help or gifts. They can feel unworthy, untrusted and undesired. Also, on the other side it was me remembering of times when I wanted to offer something to someone and that someone was rejecting me. I was reminded of how uncomfortable and stupid it is to insist or to try to convince that person to take that something from you. Completely wrong! What if she or he just accepted and thanked you for it? Wouldn’t it be much easier and pleasant?

A lot of times we ask for things believing we are ready to receive them but it turns out it can be harder than we have ever thought. That’s why we need to trust God in His plan and timing. His love work beautifully in us. And when He gives it would be nice to open our hearts and give up our vanity to receive and say “thank you”to whatever it may be. You know they say “it is more blessed to give than to receive” so let the giver receive that blessing. Teach your heart to receive in a grateful way.

Stay close to you Father! 🙂